In the article "Thatcher's Whānau… and a Renewed Social Contract?"(https://plainsight.nz/thatchers-whanau-and-a-renewed-social-contract/), the author, Mike Grimshaw, proposes redefining family structures to create a more expansive society. While I thank him for addressing this issue and proposing a way forward, I disagree with what he proposes. Grimshaw's thesis parallels the Soviet-Marxist approach, where the state assumed the role of the family, positioning itself as the primary caregiver and authority over children. It was a spectacular failure.
Drawing on my study of modern history and my experiences as a child, father, and grandfather dedicated to continuing family traditions and raising a healthy multi-racial and multicultural family, I argue for the traditional nuclear family as the foundational unit for healthy, cohesive, and thriving communities, societies, and countries. Children thrive in stable environments provided by two parents who offer emotional and financial support. The nuclear family ensures a balanced upbringing, fostering security and predictability essential for a child's development. Having strong male and female role models, who love each other is crucial, as it helps children develop balanced perspectives and social skills, learning different values and behaviours from each parent.
Biological ties create a strong sense of belonging and identity, essential for personal development. The genetic bond between parents and children fosters deep-rooted connections and a lasting sense of security. Television shows like "Lost and Found," where adopted children are assisted in finding their biological families, confirm that there is something very special — ephemeral — about close genetic ties that can't be ignored or overridden. Families are the primary units for passing on cultural values, traditions, and societal norms, including one's genetic code to the next generation of citizens. The nuclear family ensures continuity and cohesion by maintaining and transmitting cultural heritage and values to future generations.
Dual-parent households often provide better economic stability and opportunities for their children. This reduces the likelihood of poverty and associated social issues, contributing to the overall health of the community. Family relationships are enduring and provide a lifelong support network. Unlike friendships, which can be transient, the bonds within a family are permanent, offering continual emotional and practical support.
Friends may come and go, but family is forever.
Countries like the Philippines, where one of my sons now lives, emphasise the nuclear family and related traditions, including attending church, and showcase how these structures support societal health and cohesion. In such societies, extended family networks augment the nuclear family, providing additional layers of support and reinforcing social bonds.
Furthermore, the author's reference to "Queer" definitions of family within the article is unsettling. He writes rather clumsily: "The first to borrow the associative, chosen family concept from the Queer community". Queer culture is, to me, anti-family, and yet another gang movement that threatens the stability of our society. Queer theory challenges traditional categories and roles of gender and sexuality, emphasising the fluidity of identity and the socially constructed nature of these norms. It's anti — science — anti-biology. Queer Theory therefore challenges traditional family structures, and even what it means to be a man and a woman. It undermines the stability and clarity provided by the nuclear family model. By expanding family definitions to include non-traditional structures, such as those found in Queer Theory, we risk diluting the essential roles and responsibilities that naturally arise within a biologically connected unit. The traditional family model offers a time-tested framework that supports the holistic development of individuals and the strength of communities.
While the family unit is far from perfect these days, this is mostly due to external stresses, such as financial pressures and the steady disintegration of the family unit by factors like both parents working. The Soviet-style practise of handing the primary raising of the child to the state or private institutions — early childhood centres, and then schools — further weakens the family bond.
Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Moreover, having a strong sense of belonging is crucial. People are inherently tribal and desire to belong and to be valued. This need for belonging explains why the fear of punishment by banishment or exile from the group is so profound, especially for young people. When people feel lost and not valued within their family, they often seek camaraderie and belonging elsewhere, sometimes by joining gangs, or extremist movements that manipulate and use these lost and vulnerable individuals. This further underscores the importance of maintaining strong, cohesive family units with family history and traditions, that provide a strong sense of identity, belonging, and security.
The author says, "We won't know until we try." However, we only need to look at the Soviet Union's decades-long failed efforts to subjugate the family to know that what he's proposing will fail. Besides, the word "try" is often code for failure. Therefore, why would New Zealand ever go down this path of historic, catastrophic failure? Instead, we'd be far better off strengthening the family unit, and with that, we also strengthen communities. We can't have one without the other. While expanding the definition of family can be encompassing, the core principles of the nuclear family remain vital for the holistic development of our children and the strength of communities.
The nuclear family, extended to include grandparents, uncles, aunties, and cousins — of course — fosters stability, security, and continuity, thus ensuring the healthy development of children and the cohesion of society. Embracing this proven model prevents the overreach of state intervention, as seen in historical Soviet-Marxist systems, and maintains the natural, biological, and cultural foundations essential for thriving communities.
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